Blake Griffin punches equipment man half his size and we’ve uncovered the reasons

Posted: 01/26/2016 in basketball
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Hooray for Blake Griffin! He punched out an equipment man half his size.

But apparently the face of Matias Testi is pretty tough. Griffin broke his right hand and will be sidelined four to six weeks.

That’s a pretty dumb maneuver by Griffin, as the Los Angeles Clippers’ star has already been sidelined since Dec. 26 due to a quadriceps injury.

Now the big deal will be learning what led up to these punches at a Toronto restaurant. Testi is said to be a friend of Griffin and all I can say to that is this: Who needs a friend that is going to punch them in the face multiple times?

That’s no friend, folks. That’s a dude with anger management issues.

Doesn’t sound like the Clippers find this incident as simple fun between friends either.

“This conduct has no place in our organization and this incident does not represent who we are as a team,” the Clippers said in a statement. “We are conducting a full investigation with assistance from the NBA. At the conclusion of the investigation, appropriate action will be taken.”

Appropriate action will be taken?

In other words, Mr. Testi, you are no longer allowed to eat with the five-time NBA All-Star. The Clippers can’t afford to have Griffin break his other hand the next time he belts you.

Since details of the argument have yet to be leaked, here are three possible scenarios unearthed by the staff at MrSportsBlog.

VERSION ONE

Blake and Matias are sitting in a restaurant booth. Blake scans the eating area and sees a hockey game on the big screen.

BLAKE: These hockey nuts — love Canadiens.

MATIAS: Oh no, Blake. We’re in Toronto. They hate the Canadiens.

BLAKE: We’re in freaking Canada, Matias. These hockey nuts are Canadiens.

MATIAS: No, Blake. They are all about the Maple Leafs here.

Blake’s head begins to rise up and you can sense the steam pouring out of his ears as he cocks his fist and smacks Matias in the face.

A stunned Matias stumbles toward the door and yells “Maple Leafs” upon exiting. Blake rushes outside and delivers another ferocious punch. Seconds later, he notices his hand hurts.

VERSION TWO

Blake and Matias are sitting in a restaurant booth. Blake sees a big ‘O’ on a woman’s sweatshirt and this reminds him of his two seasons on the Oklahoma basketball team.

BLAKE: Oh, I miss my time at Oklahoma.

MATIAS: That football school you once went to?

BLAKE: It’s not a football school. We won 30 games my sophomore season.

MATIAS: And didn’t even reach the Final Four. LOL. C’mon Blake, everybody knows Oklahoma is a football school.

Blake cringes and his shoulders rise up and a very intense feeling comes over his body. “I’ll show you football school” yells Blake as he delivers a vicious punch to the face of Matias.

The equipment guy is momentarily stunned and heads outside. Blake arrives seconds later with another shot to the face. Seconds later, he notices his hand hurts.

VERSION THREE

Blake and Matias are sitting in a restaurant booth. Matias begins bragging about being a good free thrower and how he can make eight of 10 in his driveway. This irks Griffin, a career 66 percent free-throw shooter.

BLAKE: It is a little tougher during the game than shooting in your driveway.

MATIAS: Nobody is saying you shoot being able to shoot like Stephen Curry or J.J. Redick. But you’re closer to DeAndre Jordan range.

BLAKE: I’m significantly better than DeAndre. You don’t see teams going to the “Hack-A-Blake.”

MATIAS: Bragging about being better than DeAndre is like Derek Jeter bragging he’s classier than Donald Trump.

Blake pictures the time at practice when he missed four straight free throws and the entire team had to run. He recalled Matias grabbed a basketball and immediately swished seven in a row. And said ‘This is how it’s done, Blake.’

Blake snaps and throws a roundhouse right to Matias’ face and the equipment man tumbles out of the booth to the floor. He runs outside and Griffin is right behind him yelling “I’ll show you free throws” and delivers another punch in the face. Seconds later, he notices his hand hurts.

THE AFTERMATH

Matias wails in pain on the pavement and feels his jaw and nose to make sure they’re not broken. Meanwhile, Blake begins shrieking. His hand is in excruciating pain and it is starting to sink in that he is injured.

BLAKE: My hand is freaking on fire. Damn, it hurts!

MATIAS: You’ve got to call a doc.

BLAKE: I’m not going to call Doc. He’ll ask how I hurt it.

MATIAS: I said call a doc, not Doc Rivers.

BLAKE: Don’t make me punch you again. OK, I’ll call Doc.

Rivers answers the phone and Griffin lets him know he hurt his hand. And the obvious question soon follows.

DOC: How did you hurt the hand?

BLAKE: Helping Matias carrying all that heavy equipment.

A few hours pass and the truth leaks out. Blake and Matias are sent back to Los Angeles – hopefully on separate planes – and the Clippers can start preparing excuses for why the 2015-16 season will end in disappointing fashion.

Years from now, Rivers will bemoan how another opportunity to make the Clippers relevant slipped past. And he’ll sum it up with just one sentence.

“We were going pretty well until Blake Griffin punched an equipment man half his size.”

 

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